A message from our founder, Multon Rhyme...By Edward Barry
Hello, we’re delighted to introduce you to our 2022 edition of our best-selling*
catalogue replete with brand new shades of green that are so deep they might give you VERT-igo (nice one, Jerrold!) For those newbies out there, who are wondering ‘Surely, it’s a joke – they must do other colours?!’ Ha, ha, well, to quote Q from the popular Jennie Bond movies ‘I never joke about my work, 007’. Yes, we do green, ONLY green – always have, always will. So, if you’re after another colour may I suggest our competitors who will be delighted to fawn all over you and suggest the right shade of russet for your coalscuttle? If it’s not between 520 and 570 nanometres on the visible light spectrum of electromagnetic radiation you’re plum out of luck – sorry, not ‘plum’ out of luck – we don’t do plum (Jerrold, think of a synonym for plum but is green...No, greengage out of luck doesn’t make sense – keep trying, lad) At this point I’d like to introduce you to a new member of the Dulug family: Jerrold. He’s a young lad fresh from his City & Guilds eager to make a name for himself. He secretly harbours desires to work for Farrow & Ball but I’ll soon win him round to the Dulug’s way of thinking!
About Me One day in 1974 I woke up, slightly panicked after the recurring dream about the tsunami with the face of my now ex-wife and I thought to myself: ‘Multon (that’s me), if you like green, follow your dream!’ After discussing this with my then existing wife, Agnes**, she encouraged me to do anything that would get me out of the house and stop moping so I wangled some start-up wampum from Nationwide and opened my first paint mixing studio in the coal shed. My first colour ‘Green Multon Mulch’ sold ten litres in the first year alone. I was cooking with gas now! (Although DON’T actually cook with gas when you’re mixing as the volatile vapours of certain inks using ethyl acetate or xylene can blow up in your face. I could retell the incident of the tin of London Grill and a one-ring camping stove during the creation of ‘Hit the Road, Jackfruit’ colour in 1980 but I shan’t***) More About Me (nearly finished)
Once my wife was jettisoned I was free to mix as I pleased unencumbered by the confines of the coal shed. My Ford Granada 2.8l Ghia was an admirable place to continue work and also a handy mobile platform to sell paints from in various covered markets around the Trowbridge area.
The Paint! But it’s not about me, although I did start the company, it’s about PAINT, GREEN PAINT: that’s why you’re here: so flip the page for 50,000 Shades of Green!**** Use the space below for dabbing testers. Don’t use the tins of paint, the shelving units, the floor, my office door, the walls or the staff – use this bit of paper. Have some standards! Bathroom Kitchen Living Room/Keep Master Bedroom *This brochure isn’t supposed to be for sale but some people sell it which is wrong. They’re mainly tramps. ** She joined a ‘commune’ in Hebden Bridge in 1984. I was clearly unable to do much for her and nothing was therefore my fault. ***For a hilarious retelling of this story please see Dulug’s Catalogue 1981 and also appendix VI case study in the R556 2002 publication by HMSO ‘The Dangerous Substances and Explosive Atmospheres Regulations 2002’ for a more sober reflection) **** Not all pictured. I’m not made of paper unlike money which is made of paper which I do have but don’t want to spend on a 1,000 page brochure. We have a website now: www.dulugsnotdulux.com
Jerrold has just brought it to my attention that my beloved colour chart appears to have been hijacked by third rate dialogue from a sensationalist TV pilot. We have now tracked down the infiltrator: a one Herbert Skepinger, a sign writer and printer from Melksham-based company ‘We Do Printing’ and budding television scriptwriter. He has been told that my paint catalogue, though delivered to thousands of people and therefore a tempting place of besmugglement of literature, is an inappropriate platform for soliciting commissions and if he wants to keep my business the next run better be free. Also, it’s also hardly the point but the dialogue is hackneyed and the worst kind of sub-Channel 5 tripe: don’t give up the day job, Herb. However, since we’re here, if any commissioning editors are interested in reading the full script of ‘Marjorie’s Bad Decision’ do get into touch with Herb at herb@wedoprinting.co.uk. Also, Herb, what happens next? Can you send me the next pages? Anyway, thanks to Jerrold whose quick thinking spared our blushes, I have decided to allow him to use the rest of this space to show you his new colour range that he’s been working on (Don’t cock this up, Jerrold)
